Getting there

It is a shame I didn't get my post finished yesterday. Yesterday I had actually gotten some sleep the previous night. Har only woke me up one time and waking up only one time is like winning the lottery for me. I have most of the post in my saved folder on here but am not in that place today.

Today, sleepy but happy.

Definitely getting back to a place of balance and while it hasn't all come together yet I feel it just beyond my reach. The key is to get some sleep for once. Getting sleep means trying to teach Har to fall asleep on his own without using me. Each time we go to our favorite super fancy grocery store I look at all the organic beautiful teas. In my mind I am supposed to get a peppermint tea, peppermint is supposed to be an herb that reduces milk, so is sage and parsley but you don't find those in a tea aisle. Strange random fact about me, I hate peppermint tea. I spent a lifetime in the coffee and artisan tea industry, I should like all teas or at least appreciate a really good one. Not so peppermint, and because of this I grab the Mother's Milk.

I am sorry to go on and on about this but some things just kind of are the center of your life for days, weeks, months or years. Weaning and the lack of sleeping because of not having done it has been in the forefront of my mind for the past few months and it is hard not to blog about it on here.This is where I can vent.

Anyway, I think on some level he isn't ready and I sense that. So I pass on the peppermint, and the sage that is growing in our yard.

The weather is kind of funky today, it teases the boys and I with a bright blue sky but when you step outside you are nearly blown away by the coldest winds. A day of contradictions. I guess that may be the theme of the last week, needing or wanting to do something but doing something else. I just made a cup of coffee because I am so tired and when I finished it decided I would love a beer.

Lately we have been enjoying seeing what is popping up in the yard. We rent this really amazing place, it is a 5 acre former organic herb and vegetable farm in the foothills. The woman who originally started the farm had 2 sons and when she died they basically abandoned the whole place to our landlady who bought it. Our landlady is old, she couldn't keep up the farming so the place basically went to seed. When I talk about the sons of the woman abandoning the place I mean they really just up and left, there is a storage house on the property that was their workshop. It hasn't been touched, all the herbs are still there and the only thing that bears witness to the fact they left is the coating of dust on everything. It is really wild.

They marked all of their herb patches with metal signs so if we rake or move some leaves we find these signs that speak of the work that went into the garden, "mugwort" "horehound""hyssop". The list goes on and on. We don't know out of the fruits and vegetables they had what survived being left for a few years so we are watering and a giving the grounds some love and stuff is springing up.

It is like a mystery unfolding in front of our eyes, and always a reminder that no matter what road things take, if you have strong enough roots you will survive.