Nostalgia and Fire

Today I stepped outside and it was just gorgeous. I grabbed my nursing tea and Har and decided we would head down to the forresty area of our property to gather incense-cedar to build a big beautiful fire. I had him in the wagon and we got down to a clearing where a lot of wood is already cut and piled amongst the trees. I set him on the ground so he could toddle off and gather his little pine needles and stopped, nostalgia. Pure nostalgia.

We live in a place that is in the same area that I met some of the most important people in my life. I was a raver in the 90's (yeah, yeah I know), they were too, and by chance we all attended a phenomenal outdoor camp out rave where we met in the oddest of circumstances. I am not going to trot out the story, no one really cares about it but us (and this has been proven because any time any one has a couple too many beers, it comes out and the only one who wants to tell it is us girls, not the guys-they like to tease us and roll their eyes). The people I met there were an established group, they all went to high school together for the most part but I just fit in. We spent years going to parties, then made it past the rave friend stage (that says a lot) and into marriage, death, kids. They are my best friends and I love them to pieces. We have been friends now for going on 11 years.

Something about the air today, the temperature. It put me right back to when I first met them.It made me a little sad that we aren't closer so I had to call the best of my best friends and had a nice chat with her, we try to talk once a week and we are both stay at home moms. She has a 10 month old boy and we need to keep in touch to keep our sanity.

Nostalgia. Not necessarily a bad thing though, a whisper of some point in time. Har helped me build the fire, well he added his precious pine needles, and it has been burning all day.

Big beautiful wisps of cedar smoke sent out into the air. I go outside to throw some fragrant rosemary on, sage, bright green bay leaves. I cracked a beer as an homage to friends who would be here if they could. I drank with the trees, the sky, the woodpeckers and blue jays who eye me warily.

Something about a fire, does it remind everyone else of friendship too?

Yes, today I am nostalgia embodified.

The rest of my life consists of weaning which is not going so great, that little stubborn boy will not give up his prized "lovey". Money worries which still seem kind of in the back of my mind and are made much worse by the fact I know my husband is seriously stressed. It is even harder today since he ran into the Realtor yesterday and she told us if we came up with 10 grand she could guarantee getting our landlady to carry the paperwork for the mortgage. That is not a lot of money at all, we would have had it, we should have had it had we not gone through all we did. It just makes us feel kind of miserable about all we have had to go through.

No wonder I am nostalgic. Sometimes it is just nice to think back to an amazing time while a sweet fire slowly burns.

Now I think I am going to head back out there, Dust is running around playing in his little way and I want to sit by that fragrant smoke and think a little more. Remember a little more.

Before I do, I would like to take a moment to thank the two wonderful women who follow my blog and have commented on my posts. Thank you for your words, they really mean a lot to me. I enjoy reading your blogs and I thank you for taking the time out to give a little inspiration, support or humor. I would like to encourage anyone who is reading but hasn't commented to do so and I will make a space next to that big great fire I built and we can sit virtually, clanking beers (or wine, or water) and talking about the great moments in our life, or maybe just about the stars or something mundane but comforting.

Cheers,
Diana