Sibling Rivalry under a clear blue sky

Where to begin?

This morning I am back after an 8 day internet hiatus. It wasn't on purpose, our home is tiny and very disorganized (due to a simple lack of space) and we misplaced our internet bill. 8 days later we finally got it together and here I am.

The first few days were nice, I got a lot of spring cleaning done but I really started to miss a world that isn't brimming with sibling rivalry, food strikes, weaning, lack of sleeping and a refusal to listen to anything I say. I also keep in touch with pretty much all of my real life friends through this thing so I was feeling very out of touch for those 8 days.

This morning I am catching up on e-mails and playing with fire in doing so but I am well aware of that. So many blogs to catch up on! So many e-mails! It is a little bit overwhelming, the house is really messy and I have had 3 cups of coffee. Both of the boys are fussy and my little guy has been refusing to sleep for longer than an hour for the last 4 days. I am playing with fire because I have a feeling everything is going to fall apart while I catch up and patience on all fronts seems to be running as low as the groceries in the fridge today.

Deep breath here...

When friends would sigh and ask me, "How do you do it with two kids so close together?" I would always have a stock answer,

"Actually the fact that they are 20 months apart makes it easier, they are really in the same space so it is easy to kind of group their activities and have them play together."

Every time I said that I knew it was only going to be true for so long. It was really easy in the beginning for that exact reason but in the last few weeks sibling rivalry has reared its ugly head.
Sibling rivalry from Dust, my 3 year old. Every single thing is "HIS!". Compound this with the fact he has decided to no longer listen to mommy and will only listen to daddy. I don't know if this is a normal kid phase or a phase that only boys go through since I only have boys but I am thinking it is a boy thing. While that issue surrounds Dust like, well, a nasty cloud of negative but normal Dust, Har is full of his own issues...not sleeping and not weaning.

I am not going to complain too much today, that is my mantra for this beautiful Friday, but I will say I am having a hard time with this weaning thing. Dust just stopped nursing one day at 7 months and never looked back, the more I try to cut out feedings with Har the more he wants. He fusses, he refuses to drink out of his bottle, he gives me this pained look like I am taking away the most important thing to him and he nurses all night long like it is going out of style. I vacillate between being done with nursing a 17 month old and still wanting to give him at least one special feeding a day. The problem is I think he is going to be like his brother, all or nothing.

As for the not sleeping, they are hand in hand since he can't fall asleep without nursing himself to sleep. I have given myself exactly one month to both wean and teach him to sleep on his own. Let's see how that goes! I am not a mom who is usually strict and I am going to have to be, I might need to take up meditation to get this done.

Today really is perfect in other ways though. It is one of those days I feel really lucky to live up here in the mountains, butterflies, blue skies, warm sunshine. Things are crazy with the boys but in general our family is doing really good so I remind myself with a quote from one of my favorite writers and poets:

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."

So I am going to keep a positive attitude about all that is going on today and in general, mindful of where my feet are. I am going to wrap this up and fix a great big lunch and try to get as much time outside today as possible.

Happy Friday everyone.